What I learned from Glamour this month

Ah Glamour- this month, I learned disparate lessons- (1) that women are better than men at some pivotal tasks, (2) that sexting is rampant and (3) that writing an article about how you’re a virgin in your late 20’s is bound to immediately make that news inaccurate.

Women are Better than Men: Dan Abrams must be pretty hard up – he wrote a whole book about jobs and tasks that women excel at above men. On the list? We’re statistically better drivers, have more physical pain in our lives and handle it better than men, make better world leaders and are better at gathering mushrooms in remote parts of Mexico.

As to the driving- it doesn’t surprise me that we get less tickets. I mean, I’ve never seen a female driver on the news in L.A. on the freeway chases so popular during late-afternoon traffic. It’s always some 19-year-old idiot going for his third-strike trying to outrun the cops who tried to pull him over going 110 mph the wrong way on the 405. But better drivers? Hmmm…

More tolerant with pain? Hell yeah- men don’t get to do the every-four-week-double-over-from-cramps the way women do from the time they’re about 12 to 45. I once had a boyfriend hospitalized with kidney stones which are “equivalent to child-birth.” After watching friends give birth, they kicked the crap out of his passing-out/needing-to-be-held-up, wheeled to the emergency room ass.

And this Mexico mushroom thing? Apparently the men all went out to the nether-regions to try go get the “far away, hard to get mushrooms” while the smart women picked three times as many of the same damn mushrooms, because they were within two hundred feet of the start line. Hell, these chicks even had time for a glass of wine before the study ended. Smart women indeed.

Sexting: Apparently 84% of guys have sent a sexy text – and we – dirty girls of the world- have
RESPONDED. 91% of these same men have received a dirty text. Which makes me wonder, how did seven percent of men who received a text reading, “Is it hard baby?” respond with, “I’ve had an easy day, thanks for asking sweetie.” Glamour had the idiocy to ask the question, “Which is better, phone sex or text sex?” Hello?!? One of them involves a hands free device – how is this a question? And yet, 41% of men thought text sex was better. Perhaps this is because they can re-read the texts for a round two? Most frighteningly, 16% of men said they would forward naked/sex pictures of their ex if she cheated. 33% of men have sent out phone pictures of their erect member. Common sense people- keep it to pictures that can’t be forwarded that would ruin your chances of ever running for office.

Writing an Article About Being a Virgin: DON’T DO IT. Advertising it is like begging for it to be past tense. Six months ago, Elna Baker, age 27, wrote about her “purity.” The follow up piece? “Guess What, I’m not a Virgin Anymore!” This shocked no one.

Glamour you do keep me informed. And I love you for that. Now I need to write an article about my “second virginity,” and then lose it, just in case I need more blog material.