Happy Single Awareness Day!

Happy Single Awareness Day, otherwise known as SAD. On my way to work, I gave a homeless man a dollar. He piped up, “Thanks and Happy Valentine’s Day!” I was nanoseconds from screaming, “Give me my money back you ass!!!! How DARE YOU!?”

Does any other holiday so specifically separate the haves from the have nots? It’s supposed to be a celebration of love and happiness, but for those lonely souls- recent divorcees, the widowed, the ugly, hopeless, and plain-vanilla not-with-anyone-right-nows, it can feel like a funeral for your self-esteem. It’s a full 24-hours to spend watching Patty, the plus-sized, surly receptionist who hasn’t worn a skirt since 1987, get a bundles of roses from an equally unappealing man I somehow, for one moment, wish were mine.

But enough doom and gloom! Let us, the singles of the world, find the blessings and reasons to celebrate!

I Never Wonder if the Cart is for Me: Today the mail-guy passes out roses with UPS packages and junk mail all day today. In years passed, I hoped, prayed and threw holy water around my office wishing that the pretty star-gazer lily bouquet he had was for me. But alas, he moved on, bringing that gardenia-laced message of adoration to Betty, who sheepishly smiled, “Oh! For me! Isn’t Roger sooooo nice!”

Today? Today I can close my office door confident that nothing is coming for me- this can actually be fabulous- I won’t get to the end of the day excusing the florist because “they were really busy” and “I’m sure mine are coming- don’t they deliver past six on V-day?"

I’m not Going to Get a Crappy Card: Have you ever opened your Valentine- the one you expected to use words like “eternal flame” and “God created you for me” that, inexplicably, uses words like, “great time” or the ultimate in horror, “good friend?” If your card to him had lace, gold rings, and moonbeams on it, and his to you had two cartoon mice on the cover that said, “You’re the big cheese!” you know what I’m talking about. There won’t be that moment of horror or dread, followed by, “You didn’t like it?” followed by a fight about where this otherwise doomed relationship is going.

We Aren’t Going to Break Up: Two of my friends broke up with their more-than-a-year boyfriends this week. Valentine’s Day brings that out in people- a chance to remember you (or he) just aren’t feeling it. You stare blankly at the cards trying to find one that says, “I used to like you a lot but now I really don’t and Alan in accounts receivable is looking hotter and hotter. Can we take a break?”

So Happy SAD Day my friends: There is something wonderful about knowing you won’t be disappointed this year. And that, is honestly, is worth cheering, with champagne, in a candle-lit bubble bath you drew for your fabulous, sexy self. Cheers to us!