Now is Forever?

Whatever is going on now, is forever. Wait, wait, wait, we all know that isn’t true. But the human condition is such that good or bad, whatever IS TRUE NOW, WILL BE TRUE forever and evermore.

Depression: I’m never, ever, ever going to find a man. The tides will wash away every last wisp of sand in the ocean until only dust remains, and the sun will burn out and all life will vanish on this planet before I find a person to procreate with me. Do I recognize this voice as depression? Is this voice accurate? Is this the actual speech my Aunt Margaret gave me last week after I refused to meet her cousin’s best friend Cedric from Columbia who is 22, 5’2, and has a speech impediment and a deep love of discussing the Spanish-American war?

Maybe. But even when I talk that voice down from my own personal apocalypse, it remains angry, and in and taunts me saying, “Fine, ignore me. But you know what? I’m right. You are alone. And always will be.”

Weddings: The flip side of this voice is weddings. Women, myself included, tend to looove weddings. “I promise that I will love you forever and ever and ever and ever amen. No matter what, we are soul mates, and swans will congregate wherever we are to make heart-shapes with their necks so that everyone who sees us can know that we are the lucky and blessed and the loved. Amen.”

Do we know that marriages fail at a 50% rate? And that second marriages fail at a higher rate than that, never mind, God forbid, being wife #3 or #7. But at that moment, with our friend wearing the virginal white dress carrying $375 in gardenias and star-gazer lilies, we are absolutely sure that this love is the real deal, and that hell or high water will not change that love.

Change is the only Constant: Ben Franklin was wrong, the only inevitable things in life aren’t death and taxes; they are death, taxes and change. Nothing is permanent, and nothing stays the same. That doesn’t change the fact that right now, it feels that celibacy is my permanent state. I fear in this moment that the best use for my lingerie collection will be willing it to the Museum of Sex in Prague for their 2099 exhibit titled, “Early 2000’s spinster-clothing used to make the useless feel hot.”

But like death and taxes, tides change every day, and there’s no reason to think that tomorrow may not bring the same- in fact, may actually deliver the man of my dreams. And if, by some miracle, that does occur, I relish the opportunity to live my life, even for a few month, dreaming that we will always, always, always feel like this. That kisses will linger for hours, that sex will always be exciting, and that I’ll never, ever want to be apart from this magical man.

Perhaps life ultimately runs on the eternal hope that tomorrow will be better, or, in the alternative, that when we’re in love, it’ll always feel as good as it does today. Here’s to hope. Drink up.