Review: Why Men Love Bitches

Welcome to the first installment of M. Bridget’s Book Club Book Review. I was given “Why Men Love Bitches” by a girlfriend six years ago. The subtitle of the book is, “From Doormat to Dream girl.” “But I’m not a doormat!” I protested. She looked at her shoes for a long, uncomfortable minute, then said, “just read it.” After my most recent breakup, my extremely high-powered female boss took me aside and said, “You need to read Why Men Love Bitches. It changed my life!” Apparently I am seen as a doormat. I can’t decide if it’s awesome or awful that I need to be a bigger bitch to find a man.

The basic premise: Author Sherry Argov believes that the “nice girls” in the world are doormats- constantly fighting for the time, affection, and commitment of a man, which invites mistreatment. She implores women to be a BITCH- the headstrong, self-assured, if you don’t like it someone else will kinda girl that doesn’t take sh*t from anyone. She uses bitch as a term of endearment, as opposed to say, the way you’d describe the crazies on Jersey Shore. You are, from now until your dying day, to be a “mental challenge” for a man- the kind of girl they can never quite figure out.

When he starts to treat you badly, ignore him back, go out with your friends, and don’t chase. He’ll come back begging. Um, unless, as I’ve experienced, he doesn’t and that’s the end of the relationship. But Argov says it was my fault- I wasn’t bitchy enough in my ignoring.

The best advice: Argov says you should give out your sexual favors from your "candy store" like juju bees- one at a time and slowly. A man must earn your sexuality – with time, attention, dinners out and commitment. She also advocates keeping your job and having your own money so you don’t need him to support you – although he’s welcome to spoil you all he wants.

The most questionable advice: “Humility? Don’t worry. It’s a treatable affliction, a mental glitch. If you catch yourself being modest or humble or any of that nonsense, correct the problem immediately.” That seems like it could lead to bar fights, law suits and a popular Youtube video you don’t want your parents to see.

My favorite quote: Argov describes a man going on a hunting trip. He kills a moose, drags the thing home, taxidermies it and puts it on his wall with pride. “If you were to drop a dead moose on his doorstep, he’d want nothing to do with it. It could be the very same moose he had hunted, and yet it could have a totally different effect on him. This is how the pursuit affects his interest in a woman. When a woman chases a man, it has the same effect as if she were to deliver a dead moose to his front door.” Ouch. I think I’ve delivered my fair share of dead moose over time. Must clean that pattern up.

Is it worth reading? Yes- particularly if you’re stuck in “nice girl” syndromes like calling all the time, making elaborate meals, nagging, and begging him to see you more. I have trouble being the bitch Argov would want me to be, but I have promised myself not to deliver any more dead animals to the doorsteps of the guys I like. Instead, I’ll deliver a live female dog. That’s, according to Argov, the animal that love is made of.