The following is (I swear to God) part of an email I got this morning:
"i bet when you enter the court room opposing male consule smereks,and thinks i got this one, that is until you speak,your sneaky,arent you and i think that you are a litagation lawer."
My first thought was, "I've got to get off that prison dating site." I'm kidding- my first thought was "is this guy mentally retarded?" followed by, "Maybe English is his second language?" and then, "It must be hard to be him." Yesterday my friend said it must be sooo much easier to be a guy than a girl dating in Los Angeles. People who write blogs called "Bitches Be Crazy" talk about scoring tons of chicks and using us as interchangeable penis warmers. But I'm not sure it's that easy being a guy.
HEIGHT: We all are supposed to want a man who is TALL, dark and handsome. Handsome can be helped with good hair and clothes, anyone can spray tan, but height just can't be changed. I've got one friend who won't date under six feet tall. She's only 5'3. Under 5'7 won't work for me- I'm 5'4 and live in minimum three inch heels. Blame Cosmo- in the seventh grade I read that heels make your legs look longer and therefore you look sexier and thinner. I'd never wear flats again. Dating someone shorter than me makes me feel bigger, and therefore less feminine. I feel for the guys who list 5'5 as his height, since he’s probably lying and is actually 5'3 in life.
HAIR (OR LACK THEREOF): Infomercials show men spray painting their bald spots with black paint and powder that will cling to their limp and dying follicles to make them appear to have hair. Some sign up to have patches of hair and skin forcibly removed from one part of their head and implanted into back into their scalp near their face to "grow your own hair!!!" Ouch. Nothing ages a man faster than balding, except perhaps graying and balding. And let's face it, women get their hair colored from the time they're in high school, but it takes a lot for a guy to summon the courage to pick up "Just for Men" hair color restorer, and then to pull out $20 bucks to buy it from the 17-year-old blonde princess smirking at him from behind the counter at Rite Aid Pharmacy.
JOB: Much of society, consciously or not, expects the man to make a living. I, as high-income, big-tits, just don't care if a guy makes a lot of money. If a girl wants to be a stay at home Mom though, this is critical for her. I get that - but I also get the pressure it must put on any guy who still lives with four roommates and has a foosball table where the couch should be. Then again, maybe that pressure is good for him!
So maybe it’s not that easy for the opposite sex. Or maybe it is. It makes me feel better to remember that they have their problems too. Unless of course they are tall, dark, handsome, have all their hair and a medical degree. Maybe I should consider writing back Mr. Can't-Spell -- nah- despite the fact that he had very cute pictures, I think I'll hold out for someone who knows better than to call me a "lawer."
"i bet when you enter the court room opposing male consule smereks,and thinks i got this one, that is until you speak,your sneaky,arent you and i think that you are a litagation lawer."
My first thought was, "I've got to get off that prison dating site." I'm kidding- my first thought was "is this guy mentally retarded?" followed by, "Maybe English is his second language?" and then, "It must be hard to be him." Yesterday my friend said it must be sooo much easier to be a guy than a girl dating in Los Angeles. People who write blogs called "Bitches Be Crazy" talk about scoring tons of chicks and using us as interchangeable penis warmers. But I'm not sure it's that easy being a guy.
HEIGHT: We all are supposed to want a man who is TALL, dark and handsome. Handsome can be helped with good hair and clothes, anyone can spray tan, but height just can't be changed. I've got one friend who won't date under six feet tall. She's only 5'3. Under 5'7 won't work for me- I'm 5'4 and live in minimum three inch heels. Blame Cosmo- in the seventh grade I read that heels make your legs look longer and therefore you look sexier and thinner. I'd never wear flats again. Dating someone shorter than me makes me feel bigger, and therefore less feminine. I feel for the guys who list 5'5 as his height, since he’s probably lying and is actually 5'3 in life.
HAIR (OR LACK THEREOF): Infomercials show men spray painting their bald spots with black paint and powder that will cling to their limp and dying follicles to make them appear to have hair. Some sign up to have patches of hair and skin forcibly removed from one part of their head and implanted into back into their scalp near their face to "grow your own hair!!!" Ouch. Nothing ages a man faster than balding, except perhaps graying and balding. And let's face it, women get their hair colored from the time they're in high school, but it takes a lot for a guy to summon the courage to pick up "Just for Men" hair color restorer, and then to pull out $20 bucks to buy it from the 17-year-old blonde princess smirking at him from behind the counter at Rite Aid Pharmacy.
JOB: Much of society, consciously or not, expects the man to make a living. I, as high-income, big-tits, just don't care if a guy makes a lot of money. If a girl wants to be a stay at home Mom though, this is critical for her. I get that - but I also get the pressure it must put on any guy who still lives with four roommates and has a foosball table where the couch should be. Then again, maybe that pressure is good for him!
So maybe it’s not that easy for the opposite sex. Or maybe it is. It makes me feel better to remember that they have their problems too. Unless of course they are tall, dark, handsome, have all their hair and a medical degree. Maybe I should consider writing back Mr. Can't-Spell -- nah- despite the fact that he had very cute pictures, I think I'll hold out for someone who knows better than to call me a "lawer."
Thank goodness the brilliant author of "BitchesBeCrazzy" has been too busy warming his member to post anything new.
ReplyDeleteIt's terribly unfortunate really- he had such insight. :) I considered linking to it but didn't want to subject my readers to the use of the word "fat" over and over and over.
ReplyDeleteHa! I am glad you didn't link over there. I am still wishing I had that part of my life back that I wasted over at his blog. You have got yourself a whole new group of readers in Germany! We love the blog over here!
ReplyDeleteOh Miranda. Women can have height preferences and men cannot have weight preferences. Got to love the double standard.
ReplyDelete