How do I love thee Glamour! The cellophane glistens whilst wrapping around the most amazing promises- “Your fastest way to lose weight!,” “10 Totally Gorgeous New Hairstyles,” and “1000 Men Confess! Naughty Answers to your Most Private Questions Ever.”
Wow. 1000 men confessing? What did they do, send the Glamour police to every Catholic Church in Manhattan? Even if they did that, they’d probably only find 10 men confessing under the age of 50. Which begs the question- really- where did they find the guys to answer this survey?
Look, I’m no academic researcher, but it can’t be easy to find 1000 guys to answer questions as personal as “Have you ever paid for sex?” (89% no, 11% yes—my answer would be “you’re damn right I paid for it! I paid for it for months after it happened- the crying, the anger, the self-doubt…) to “Would you ever be a Manny?” (for those of you unfamiliar with Britney Spears, a “manny” is a male nanny- 73% no, 27% yes)
But really, how truthful are these alleged “men?” Some questions are supposed to be answered the right way – “Would you consider voting for a female president?” (71% yes) and “Have you ever cheated?” (66% no). Really? 66% no? So my closest friends and I have ALL accidentally tripped across the minority 34% of guys out there that have cheated? I suppose it makes mathematical sense. Over the course of a month, if Cheaterboy has one girlfriend and let’s say three girls on the side, then at the end of the year, at least 37 women have been tooted and booted, while faithful Phil who remembers your birthday and says he likes your Mom is only at one.
This month’s Glamour has guest commentary from The Situation. What a great idea! Dos and Don’ts for dating the man with no soul, just great abs. If I take the Situation’s tips, I might end up with a supremely drunk Italian fighting blacking out as he drags me from the club at 3:00 a.m. for forty-five seconds of sex. That is not a Situation I want to be in.
But at the end of the day, Glamour left me with two useful tips: Ashton Kutcher said, “I think guys want to be with someone who believes in them more than they believe in themselves.” And Matt Damon, who I’m still mad at for not marrying me, despite the little detail that we’ve never met, said, “I guarantee you that any man worth his salt wants a woman who is smart and strong and secure in who she is.” Now that’s the Situation I DO want to be in.
I'm with Matt Damon. A smart unselfish girl who is independent and justifiably confident. Is that too much to ask?
ReplyDeleteNo Kyle, it's not too much to ask. I know several of these women and happen to be one of them. The problem is finding a "man worth his salt" to enjoy my confidence, independence, and unselfish bolstering of his brilliance.
ReplyDeleteHowever, (I have a professional psychoanalyst's expertise to back this up), most men would like a woman slightly more attractive and slightly less accomplished than themselves. This male-ego-sparing reality results in the dating nightmare that exists for beautiful AND very successful women.
Kyle, I may have to meet you. :) I like what you have to say. And I'm answering the question you sent in my blog tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteGood luck Kimberly!
I must say Miranda, I was quite flattered when I logged on tonight and saw the blog post! I was like, "oh my, that went fast..." I had three posts to catch up on. Don't know where this week went!
ReplyDeleteIs it really that difficult for a man to find a woman who is more attractive than they are? I would think 95% of women are more attractive than I am... And the 5% that aren't fall into that category because I thought they were ugly men?
And I think the trick for women is to be accomplished, but to be multi-faceted and talk about something other than the stuff they are accomplished in.
When I hang out with someone who does a lot of volunteer work and raises money for people in Vietnam and we go out to dinner I want to hear about the picture she is painting for her niece's 7th birthday, not about the newest sponsor for the upcoming Rally for Humanity. I guess becoming a lawyer made me realize that most people don't want to hear about lawyer crap when I am at a party or out at the Karaoke bar. They want to know what Kyle does on the weekends he has off.
Here I go again. This is like the super long Kimberly comment I mocked on another post a few minutes ago... lol