"So what do you do?" Don't answer that! It's a trick question! You're setting yourself up for immediate judgment about your entire life. Whatever you choose to do eight to twelve hours per day in exchange for money has immediate ramifications on your single self. I profess I have these pre-conceived notions of how the people with certain jobs are. It's not fair. It's not right. It's being done to me all the time. And yet I just can't stop.
The Cheaters: Police officers, surgeons, CEOs, talent agents, actors, directors, any musician or any man holding a guitar in a picture on anything other than his couch, airline pilots, athletes, construction workers, personal trainers, prostitutes and pimps.
If you’re in these professions, I imagine myself calling you for the eighth time after midnight when you went to have drinks with "your friend" Sheila at seven. Your phone ran out of batteries. She was sad 'cause her cat Fluffy died and you were comforting her with your thighs. You have no idea how the condom got in the backseat – aliens? Close Match...next...
The Egoists: Lawyers, doctors, entrepreneurs, police officers, politicians.
So here it comes back on me. I fear men read my career (attorney) and think (1) she never leaves work, and would be a crazy cat lady, except the cats died from neglect, (2) she's an ambulance-chasing shark who aspires to have commercials for "Miranda 'the Hammer'" with accident victims claiming, "Miranda got me 2.1 million!" or (3) I'm an argumentative, belittling, testicle-strangling, stiletto-wearing ice queen. OK, I do wear stilettos, but the rest is off. Which of course means I never judge people who have egoist professions, right? Right?
The Hopeless Social Outcasts: Engineers, computer programmers, software developers, gamers and people who create video games, and let's face it, anyone who lists "World of Warcraft" under hobbies, physicists, scientists, lab technicians.
I imagine myself asking if we can get a little crazy tonight and he suggests spicy food or perhaps a Rated R movie. Not. Hot.
You're Always Gonna Live Off Me: Yoga instructors, novelists, anyone in fast food after the age of 22, food service generally, retail sales, poets, and anyone with a "slash" in the title (e.g. actor/writer).
I came across someone yesterday who listed himself as Librarian/DJ. Really?? So you're a hopeless social outcast and cheater? Well done! I may need to meet you just to enjoy the contradictions!
Ultimately none of this labeling is useful, and if you met the person in real life, the early judgments may be desperately inaccurate. But that's what we get in online life- quick judgments. I'm gonna go search out a nice veterinarian or real estate agent. I can get into that - unless they have a picture of themselves rocking out on a stage in Aquarius!, the slam-punk band they play in on weekends. I prefer to be the only groupie in my man's life.
Thank you for the daily dose of stifled-at-work laughter!
ReplyDeleteI love the inclusion of surgeons in the "cheaters" group, and rightly so. (Myself excluded, naturally).
However, from personal experience being pursued by would-be-happily-attached non-surgeon doctors, I would include ALL DOCTORS in the "cheaters" category. Watch out. Just sayin.
Glad to see journalists did not make the list... though I fear we may be categorized under egoists...?
ReplyDeleteI did think to include all doctors in cheaters, but I can't see the happy pediatrician being a sleaze. I could be wrong about that.
ReplyDeleteNah- I'd probably put most journalists under people I'm going to have to support for the rest of my life. ;) Successful journalists excluded. :)
Thanks for my shoutout... haha. Who would've thought Sheila is a sleazy name? It's a good thing my name is Sheeshee. :)
ReplyDeleteI think Sheila is a sexy girl name- that's why I picked it. :))) Sheeshee would never be involved in cheating! :)
ReplyDeleteAhh Cheaters. I'll post about that as well. I've been a waiter, software developer, then CEO, then entreprenuer. Funny thing is in a relationship I don't cheat. Never have never will. You would assume that I'm sexual motivated but I'm really not. I don't look for penis warmers as someone posted. Women are more sexual then men.
ReplyDeleteSo I am now interested to know what you think when you read "attorney" on someone's profile. As a lawyer yourself do you see other attorneys as ambulance chasers? argumentative belittlers? general egoists? Surely there must have been a reason to include the law profession in this bunch. If there is a bad date story behind this one I wouldn't mind hearing about it.
ReplyDelete@Kyle - when I read "attorney" I get excited - I feel like they've got the best shot at understanding me and having an open mind for who I am and what I actually do.
ReplyDeleteI have met all kinds of horrible lawyers, but many of my close friends are in the profession, so I have faith in us, even if no one else does. :)
Yes Miranda, I feel like I understand you. There is a strange bond that is created through the whole law school experience. Hard to explain why I get excited (and nervous) for old friends who call me out of the blue and tell me about their law school ambitions and I just want to help them and "welcome them to the club."
ReplyDeleteAnd I still am torn between whether I think I want to be with someone who has been there and can relate or with somebody who I can come home to (or can come home to me) and talk about something other than deal flow or case law. Sometimes I really feel like I need to vent about opposing counsel or clients or firm politics and as I discovered in the relationship I had throughout law school and thereafter, it isn't really venting when it falls on a lay persons ears. But I still have faith as well. I am sure a balance exists out there somewhere, I guess it really comes down to the individual, since I have finally found a few coworkers (unfortunately all men) who I can go to lunch or dinner with and not have to worry about one of them mentioning the "crazy developments in the sovereign bond markets" or something else work related.