Statistically Speaking: Dating Divorced

“It’s so great you’re in your thirties now! You can get the guys fresh off their divorce from their first wife who are now ready for the right girl!” I stared at my mother incredulously. Really? You want me to date a divorcee? It’s a good idea? Or is it? Let’s look at the science shall we?

Pro: Divorced Men Marry at a Higher Rate than Single Guys: Men who’ve enjoyed the comforts of regularly available orgasms, sandwich ingredients in the kitchen at midnight, and a date who’ll smile at the boss at the office Christmas party are more likely to drag themselves back up to the alter than a guy who has never taken the plunge. Perhaps having gone through the singles scene at least twice taught them to love a rented tuxedo, bad shrimp cocktail and the chicken dance?

Con: Divorced Men are also More Likely to Divorce Again: Men who’ve been divorced once are significantly more likely to divorce again, as second marriages fail at a higher rate than first. Let’s face it, with a 50/50 likelihood of success the first time, and 1/3 less chance the second, that's a bet most gamblers wouldn’t touch six tequilas in at a Vegas casino. So I’m more likely to get married to a guy who has been divorced, but more likely to be divorced by him too – that or I'll divorce him myself while his ex wife screams from a mountain top that she tried to warn me but I wouldn’t listen because he told me “that bitch be crazy” and I believed him.

Pro: Self-Reflective Divorced Guys May Have Learned Their Lesson: My close friend refuses to date men who haven’t had long-term girlfriends. “Too much training” she says. A divorced guy who paid attention may now know he really does have to remember his wife’s birthday, be patient while she tries on dresses at Bloomingdale’s, and has stopped going out with the guys to strip clubs. But watch out- get them too soon out of the marriage cage and he’s likely to be a man on a mission t re-live his frat house days complete with keg stands and getting your number just to see if he can.

Con: Someone Else Found him Impossible: Oh sure he may have left her, except statistically speaking, women divorce men at a rate twice to three times more often than men divorce women. Did the man simply drive her to the edge to make her file so he could still be the “good guy” in his own mind? Did he have three girls on the side and a coke habit? Or was he simply unable to partner in a meaningful way?

Divorced guys scare me- I’m afraid to be next. But ultimately, if it’s the right guy, it’s the right guy. Statistically, if a man reaches 38 without having been married, he is unlikely to marry. So really, my best tactic is to snag an up-to-37-year-old who hasn’t married or a 38 plus who has been divorced. I like to gamble, but as a matter of course, I always bet with the house.