Dr. Phil was giving love advice again. I know I should stop myself, but like a semi-truck stuck across all lanes dropping 1,000 pounds of baby carrots onto the 405, I just couldn’t look away. Now don’t blame me too much- it was Friday night, I was home, with my dogs, and a bottle of wine, and well, Dr. Phil giving me dating advice.
The woman on the show was 30. She said men were intimidated by her career. She owned a modeling agency. I figure her dates just want to meet her models, but that’s beside the point. Then Millionaire Matchmaker came out to give her advice- OMG- truly, it’s like the G8 conference of dating experts! She tells the woman to say, “I work in the modeling business.” “Don’t lead with money or your job – that’s intimidating and masculine. Be feminine and lead with what you need from a man.” Neediness as a turn-on? I’m set! But then Dr. Phil says, “If what you’re doing isn’t working for you, then change it.”
Oh God. My screen name on OKCupid has my job in it. My scary job. I go to change it. I am determined to scrub away every vestige showing I’m a smart girl who owns real estate and has a fully funded 401(k). I change my screen name to something totally unintimidating- something akin to happyLAgirl. (I really will create a high_income_big_tits profile soon, but that’s a whole different experiment).
I took my income range off – must not intimidate! I took off my education- entirely. This may be a problem since I search men by their education. I figure if they haven’t been through college, they probably won’t relate to me and my world very well. But I could be wrong- we’ll find out now won’t we? I leave my job as “legal field” and change “what I’m doing with my life” to “living it to the fullest every day.” That sounds like I start with Yoga, work for four or five hours, get two coffees and then play beach volleyball. Awesome.
I also change my body type from “average” – and I promise you “average” in LA is good – to “fit.” It’s almost true. I’m relatively fit, particularly compared to the national average. And I figure “average,” despite my completely truthful pictures, in most guys worlds means “fat.”
So we’ll see. Does being “in the legal field” with no education or income listed change my fate? Is it actively disingenuous or is it more, as Dr. Phil and the Millionaire Matchmaker would say, leading with my femininity?
I’m torn. Part of me listed my job and income range on purpose- a bit of a preemptive, “look, if you can’t handle it or don’t like it or don’t want a woman with a career or good salary, please go elsewhere and don’t waste my time making me feel bad for working hard.” But maybe they’re right. Maybe just showing who I am- the dog-loving, volunteering, world-traveling nice girl will be a better sell. Maybe they’ll be more apt to give me a chance. But then when the inevitable first-date question, “so tell me about your job” emerges, then what? Do they feel mislead? Betrayed? Excited to rob me?
We’ll see. And I promise, I will let you know.
Great post Mirinda! I'm really excited to find out how your first-first-date as "average" will turn out.
ReplyDeleteTom, she is no longer average, she has "upgraded" to fit, which matches the Beach Volleyball in the afternoons. But I agree a little mystery is a good thing. So tell me about your job. "I work in a law firm. It is sometimes stressful and sometimes boring, but I love having a job I can dress up for. What do you do?"
ReplyDeleteGreat and sad post, all at the same time. I really can't say I'm not slightly bothered by the idea that it is still "masculine" to say what your job is with pride unless you wait tables or are in the "entertainment" field. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteAgreed Kelly- but maybe, like vegetables that you cover wtih butter and salt, you still get the good stuff, it's just presented in a way that's easier to swallow.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks Tom and Kyle! :)