Thoughts on "I Work Out"

"I work out." "I love to work out." "There's nothing better than the feeling of working out!" It seems that there is an automatic opt-in under the "what I do with my free time" section that requires a guy to say "I work out!" in his profile. These people can generally be separated into three categories:

(1): Yes You Do: Good lord - three pictures with your shirt off? Really? Not that I'm not impressed- I am -- it's just, well, I have some idea of how much time that must actually take to maintain. Not only that, looking at well-sculpted abs makes me immediately think of how we'd look naked together. Or rather, how you'd look at me, with my extra bit of tummy love that's carefully covered whenever I'm out in public with a flattering top and jeans that don't press in too tight at the top. You'd run. You'd scream. Or, let's face it, you'd go on to the next profile immediately. Sigh. Fine, you're right, you're too good for me. Shit. And no, I don't want to go camping with you or spear fishing or multi-day triathaloning, so really, we just aren't meant to be.

(2): No You Don't: Look, sweetie, I can see your picture. You clearly don't work out. And that's cool - I only work out exactly as much as Oprah's latest trainer has said I must in order not to gain weight. But you aren't fooling anyone. Just list something like "fork-lifting" as your hobby and it'll come off as much more genuine and much better for you. And please, while we're at it, please don't apologize in your profile with, "I just started working out. I plan on losing like another 75 lbs. In fact, these pictures are probably out of date when you read this." Riiiiight...

(3): Like Goldielocks, you're Just Right: Ah the guy who looks like he would look good naked but doesn't actually take his clothes off in his pictures. The one who lists actual activities (running, surfing, skiing) instead of "working out" as his hobbies. This guy I can get into. Or let get into me. I understand this guy.

As for my profiles? I've chosen the #3 approach - listing hiking with the dogs, skiing, boogie-boarding etc. to show active but not obsessed. Which is actually true, and hopefully, more interesting to someone than, "I log at least 45 minutes on the treadmill a day."

I do have a special fondness in my heart for the guy who posted, "No, I didn't climb Kilamanjaro on my last vacation, I don't play semi-pro baseball and don't snowboard every weekend. Who are these people? I usually watch TV after work or play on the internet. If that's not OK, I hope you find your adonis out there when you're on the eighteenth mile of your fifth marathon this month." Awww- honesty. Gotta write that guy an email. Maybe he's my true love?