It's all in the Name

Pick a Screen Name. It seems like an easy call. This will be the name you're known by on the dating sites until the moment someone actually contacts you and gets a response. There must be a good name out there, but judging by the guy's names, this is a minefield.

Truthful Names: Yesterday I came across a guy whose screen name was "Bad_Boyfriend." THANK YOU. You've seriously saved me at least six months- one month of getting to know you and swooning all over you, two months of wondering why you aren't calling as much and only coming by after midnight, and three months of wondering why you didn't like me while crying with my girlfriends. Was I too heavy? Too nice? Too mean? Did you hate the last dinner I made or that movie I chose? Thank you Bad _Boyfriend!!! I'll avoid you like the plague!

Everyone really should have to have an honest name - mine would be, "over-giving, people-pleasing, sometimes says stuff I shouldn't, but lots of fun girl." I tried that name but they told me it was already taken.

Sexy Names: I can't tell you how many guys I've come across on OKCupid that list "sex" or "good in bed" under "things I'm good at." Me thinks thou doth protest too much-- or let's face it, if you have to advertise, you're probably not selling stuff worth buying. Some guys use their names to show off their supposed goods- "Big_Wang75" or "Third_Leg." Look, choosing a porn name doesn't make me want to act like a porn star around you.

I'm considering "High_Income_Big_Tits." Truthful, but feels like a bit of a hard sell - and I'd actually like someone who likes things about me other than my income and chest size, but you know, this is a competitive game, so maybe I should reconsider.

Hobby or Job Related Names: This becomes tricky- what if I pick a dog-related name? Some people hate animals and therefore they won't even look at my profile. Or they'll assume I am a crazy dog lady with five Great Danes crowding me out of my bed, with a house that smells constantly of urine. What about a name related to my profession? Maybe they'll think I'm consumed by my job and nothing else - a blindly ambitious, overly-educated, cut-throat bitch.

I ultimately chose to go with something bland- "Smiley_M" - it's accurate, hopefully my picture is sexy, and it wasn't as hard to remember at log-on as "Hoping_to_find_someone_before_menopause_damnit."