To Call or Not to Call, That is the Question

“Let’s stop all this email and get drinks this week? 867-5309 – Polo Player.” Crap. A phone number. A phone number and an invitation. To call or not to call, that is the question. Let’s look at both sides of this, shall we?

Or Not to Call: My mother would definitely tell me not to call. She’d say to wait until the boy calls you, because boys don’t like pushy girls- they remind them of Shelly who stole their milk and pulled down their pants in front of their classmates during kickball in the third grade. Per my recent review of “Why Men Love Bitches,” I’m sure Shelly Argov would tell me to wait to make him call me. And I’ve promised myself not to deliver any more dead moose to the doorstep of the men I date (if that makes no sense, click here).

To Call: But he gave me permission, neigh, asked me to call him. Why else would he give me his phone number? And what about being a modern feminist woman? I can stare down opposing counsel, negotiate criminal sentences with the U.S. government and once I made a grown man cry on the stand. Calling a member of the opposite sex for a date should be as easy as getting a communicable disease from the guys on Jersey Shore.

Ambivalence: Polo Player and I started an email flirtation via OK Cupid way back in November. We sent three or four messages, it went nowhere fast, and I forgot his screen name altogether. One chilly February day he re-appeared in my inbox asking how I’ve been. I’m guessing he either (1) had a short-term girlfriend and therefore disappeared for three months or (2) went through the hotter chicks and is now ready to try me on for size. Either way, I detect ambivalence.

If I do call, does that set the pattern for him to be ambivalent, and for me to run the circus the way I normally do in relationships? I’ve been accused of taking charge – it’s a quality that serves me brilliantly at work and horribly in interpersonal relationships. If I call, does that give him permission to be dragged along, to stop trying before he starts- to be, in essence, the female in the relationship?

I’m not sure. For now, I sent him an email back that said, “Drinks sound awesome! Call me at 555-5555.” I must say, if he doesn’t call, I’m likely to break down in a couple of days and send a friendly text. I suppose that’s the half-way point right? And I’ve always liked the idea of relationships built on equal ground.