On and Off in Three Minutes Flat

"Danny from Los Angeles has answered your five questions!" Oooh - yay! Somebody likes me! Whoo hoo! But wait, something was wrong. The "Next Step" gave me only one option- "Close Match." The options usually include "send must haves" and "email." Huh? I'm so confused.

This guy answered my inquiry, then immediately shut down communication. It was like we'd gone through an entire relationship in five minutes. First the intrigue of reading the profile, with the simple joy that an attractive person was in the photos. We've read the same books! We like to go to movies and concerts! We've both dreamed of a destination wedding in the Mayan Riviera! OK, that part wasn't in the profile. But still! Apparently then he looked again and started to see the flaws. Maybe in my third picture I looked 5 lbs. heavier. Maybe I like Thai food and he hates spice. Maybe I live 2 miles farther than he likes to drive to see a girl. All cracks in the armor. Then he looked again and decided that I'm not worth it. Whatever spark we had was snuffed out, and he wanted absolutely nothing to do with me.

How did I manage to both turn him on and off so quickly? Did he accidentally click on my profile to answer the ice breakers, only to come back and think, "Crap! I didn't mean to write the dog-loving lawyer!?! I meant to write the actress/model/bartender who loves the smell of cigarettes because they help her not eat! Abort! Abort! Don't let the professional chick think I like her!" CLOSE MATCH.

Is it really that easy to decide you don't like someone? Maybe. I came across a profile that was going well, until I reached the part where he said, "I'm part Mexican, but I don't speak Spanish. I do however, garden and do lawn work really well ese." Sheesh- do yourself a favor and avoid racism in your profile. Every once in awhile I come across someone I think I like until a deal breaker comes up. Yesterday the guy was doing amazing until, "I have full time custody of my twin preteens." Bless him, but honestly, I don't think I'm ready for full time teen motherhood. Next.

Whatever it was that I said, I'm sorry. Danny in Los Angeles, our profiles had a brief three minutes of intense and passionate connection, followed by the inevitable decay of a relationship that will never get off the computer screen. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. As for me, I'll do the only thing Eharmony will let me do - Close Match. Too bad- I actually really liked your answers to my questions.