One of my readers sent me the question, “Why do you think you’re still single?” In the movie Bridget Jones’ Diary, Bridget responds to a similar question with, “Oh I don’t know, I suppose it doesn’t help that underneath [my] clothes [my] entire body is covered in scales.” But really, why am I still single?
Because Men in Los Angeles Think They Deserve Models: The Millionaire Matchmaker posited in her book that even though there are more single men than single women in Los Angeles, and therefore, it is a statistically advantageous place to date, it’s actually self-esteem Death Valley, because there are so many Heidi-Klum circa 1999 women around here to compete with. It appears that every man who is a four or five in Los Angeles thinks he should have a nine or ten woman, and what’s worse, he probably has a friend who is a six dating a ten, which gives him HOPE to hold out for that rare Victoria’s Secret model that will appreciate his Star Wars collection and love of Carl’s Jr. Six Dollar Burgers.
Because my Job and/or Income is Intimidating: My mother once chided me not to be “too good” at sports because it would intimidate my high-school boyfriend. Luckily, I still serve under-handed and rarely in-bounds at friend’s beach or pool volleyball games and can’t hit a racquetball to save my life. However, I can’t hide that I’m good at my job, not once someone Googles where I work, and the immediate response to, “I’m a lawyer” can be found here.
Because God Hates Me: I occasionally tear into a Bruce-Almighty like-rant, cursing fate and destiny for conspiring to leave me with a head-stone reading, “Tragic Spinster, No Name Required because why would anyone care? 1978- 2065.”
Because I spent a long time in successful but-not-quite relationships: I dated one guy from college to my mid-twenties (five years) and another for four. My last relationship was a year and a half. I’m a long-term dater, and I suppose, if I’d left those relationships earlier, I’d have dated more? Kissed more frogs? Had more walks of shame out of fraternity houses in cocktail attire while carrying my five-inch heels and clutching my stomach after drinking all that Jagermeister?
Because I just Haven’t Met Him Yet: Yes. Maybe he and I have to go through ten life-changing experiences before we meet each other and can appreciate it. Maybe he needs to have his eyes deteriorate just a bit more to see me in a fuzzy blur so I look prettier? Maybe I need to break down and get that mail-order husband from the web site promising great-looking South American men who need a Visa? Maybe we both just bought concert tickets for next month’s New Kids on the Block reunion tour and fate has set our date? Wait, I want a straight guy… you know what I mean.
The fact is, I do believe in fate and destiny. Why am I single at 32? Because I’m supposed to be – at least that’s what I keep telling myself. That and the fish-like scaling and tattoo reading, “Terminally Single!” on my abdomen.
How about a "BitchesBeCrazzy" tramp stamp to go along with your "Terminally Single" tattoo?
ReplyDeleteYou know I read an article when I first moved to New York about the "Rule of Thirds" on the theory that most people figure they need to date enough people to know what kind of person they want to end up with. You take the population of the city in which they live, and calculate the amount of single people they would want to date (taking in age and such into account) and then you figure they will reject a third of that pool of people, just because there "might be something better out there." This bodes poorly for people dating in a place like New York City or Los Angeles where there is a large dating pool, and you can see how it works in Billings, Montana or Manhattan, Kansas.
ReplyDeleteInteresting Kyle. So if there are 8 million people in Los Angeles, half are male, half are married... oh jees. Well that explains this blog. :)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/02/22/why.not.married/index.html?iref=obnetwork#
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